Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
