So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
