Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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