Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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