he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
In other news, I just burned my penis
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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