The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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