remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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