I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
