I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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