can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
