Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize