Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
