Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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