One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
