god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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