She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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