He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
