Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
