tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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