Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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