so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
