batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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