i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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