I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We need to get me chipped asap
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
