You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
