im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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