So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
