the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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