Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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