...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
