I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
