Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
