how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
