at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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