i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
