I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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