So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
