I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How does one acquire holy water?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
