Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize