My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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