I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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