it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
