Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
