when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
