dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
