The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
