I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
