youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
