What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
