I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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