gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
