i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
