I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
