If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
