I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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