Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize