The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
tell me about the eggs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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