Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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