Yo dont text me then not text me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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