Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
