Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
