I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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