ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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