So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she told me i tasted like america
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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