I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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