My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
