he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
