Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
