Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
