Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
