Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
