Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
