Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
