Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just found puke in my bra..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
