I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize