Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
