I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Is it penis luge time yet?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
