awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Houston, we have a squirter
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can you bring me the toilet please
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
