somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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