So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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