dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
