i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
