I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
