No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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