Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
