walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we're making bets on your personal life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
