I think I won the penis lottery.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
