All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize