I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
