is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
