i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
