I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize