Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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