my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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