I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
