What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's always time for handjobs
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
