grandma shit on top of the toilet
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pants are for mortals
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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