I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
