don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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