Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize